To Binky or Not to Binky

Dear Binky Momma,

I hear you loud and clear! As a mother who allowed her daughter to have a pacifier, I know firsthand how much a pacifier, aka “binky,” helped me through the newborn and toddler years. It was wonderful for those moments when she was tired, fussy, overwhelmed, or simply needed some extra comfort. Of course, she also became very attached to hers. We had several of them scattered all over the house!

I personally believe babies have a natural desire to suck. Sucking is a normal infant reflex, and some babies want to suck even when they aren’t hungry. A pacifier can be a useful soothing tool, and the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends offering one at naps and bedtime because pacifier use is associated with a lower risk of SIDS. If you plan to breastfeed, the AAP recommends waiting until breastfeeding is well established before routinely introducing a pacifier. And if your baby doesn’t want one, you don’t have to force it. (HealthyChildren.org⁠)

So, if you decide you don’t want to use a pacifier with your newborn, that’s okay, too. Babies can be comforted through holding, rocking, skin-to-skin contact, swaddling, gentle movement, singing, or simply being close to Mom or Dad. Sometimes a baby just wants to be held—and that’s okay!

As for my daughter, I chose to wean her when she turned three, and it was really hard. We started by limiting the binky to naptime and bedtime. Then we talked about going without it and gave her little rewards for her progress.

The final chapter came when I learned about the “Binky Fairy!” We told our daughter that if she left all of her binkies in the mailbox, the Binky Fairy would leave her an awesome gift. Eventually, we did just that!

It kind of worked—but then came the surprise. My daughter, who had previously gone to sleep on her own, began relying on me to stay with her longer. I sometimes felt as though I had become her new “pacifier.”

Since she was born, we had always read books, listened to lullaby music, prayed, and then gone to sleep. After the pacifiers were gone, she began asking me to stay and lie with her. It was tough to say no, so I ended up staying with her until she fell asleep.

Looking back, I realize that weaning wasn’t just about taking away an object. We were taking away something she had used to comfort herself. She needed to learn new ways to self-soothe.

That is something I would encourage other parents to remember. If your child uses a binky whenever she is upset, tired, sick, traveling, or overwhelmed, try replacing that comfort with another predictable routine—a favorite stuffed animal, extra cuddles, a book, music, or a special bedtime ritual. You can acknowledge her feelings without giving in: “I know you miss your binky. It helped you feel better, and Mommy is right here to help you.”

And what about those teeth and the palate?

This is where the experts give us some important information. The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry (AAPD) recommends discontinuing non-nutritive sucking habits, including pacifier use, by about 36 months (three years). Prolonged pacifier use can affect the developing mouth and has been associated with dental changes such as anterior open bite and posterior crossbite. Pacifier use after 12 months can also increase the risk of ear infections. (AAPD⁠)

My daughter eventually needed braces at 13 and wore them for two years. She had developed slightly buck teeth, and I’ve always wondered, “Was this because of the pacifier?”

The honest answer is that I don’t know. Dental development is influenced by many factors, including genetics, growth, and oral habits. We can’t assume that her pacifier caused her braces. What we do know is that prolonged pacifier habits can contribute to certain changes in how the teeth and jaws develop. (AAPD⁠)

So, what are the advantages and disadvantages?

Pacifiers can provide comfort and soothing, may help with pain during minor procedures, and are associated with a reduced risk of SIDS when offered during infant sleep. The disadvantages become more important when the habit continues for a long time, including increased risk of ear infections and changes to the developing bite and mouth. (AAPD⁠)

For a new baby, I wouldn’t feel guilty if you choose to use a pacifier—and I wouldn’t feel guilty if you choose not to. Talk with your pediatrician about what is best for your baby, especially if you’re breastfeeding.

And if you’re weaning your three-year-old, remember that bringing home a new baby is already a huge transition. If possible, start the process before the baby arrives so your older child doesn’t feel as though the binky was taken away because of the new sibling.

In the end, my daughter did eventually give up her binky, learn to sleep without it, and grow into a happy, healthy child. And yes, she eventually went to college without a pacifier!

Sometimes motherhood isn’t about finding the perfect solution. It’s about patiently helping our children through the next stage.

And, as I learned firsthand, sometimes Mommy becomes the binky for a little while!