Attack of the Crab Spiders

It remains unclear if the crab spiders attack during the full moon or wait until the dark of the moon. The lunar light, however, upon the spiny-backed orb-weavers and their intricate spider-silk webs is indeed a consideration for the aggression of the creatures; just as strong tidal currents and otherworldly gravity are a factor for spider reproduction.

Invading spider egg cases are everywhere and are always visible as the little patches of greenish yellow fuzz. Detection and visibility of the fuzzy hatching eggs is not a problem, but the steady march of the moonlit arachnids is indeed a cause for alarm.

The attack of the crab spiders always begins with the eggs that are clinging to the screens of swimming pool cages, the entrances to island homes, and any other strategic position where the tangle of the dreaded spider silk is always waiting. Any human who wishes to pursue a normal island life cannot escape the crab spiders, as these creatures are clever, mysterious, and have a tenacious determination to dominate every human dwelling.

Foolish islanders may attempt to thwart the determined advance of the crab spiders that do thrive in the lunar light, but as ineffectual humans are sleeping, regiments of arachnid activity at most island homes is relentless and ongoing.

The crab spiders have many enemies, but even in battlefield situations where the crab spider losses are devastating, the female of the species will double her efforts at reproduction to ensure an eventual victory over all humankind.

During human retaliation, crab spiders become victims of broom handles and sometimes, during large-scale human reprisals, pressure washers. During the pressure washer purges, the infant arachnids often disappear into oblivion, as the adult spiders become misplaced, wounded, and emotionally traumatized, but no human effort can stop the tenacity of a crab spider attack.

Our Beach Boy Chronicle for this week begins with a particular Marco Beach Boy and Girl as they prepare for a royal visit. Any visit from anyone who comes to stay at the Marco Island home always falls into the category of a royal visit. Just as when the staff at a beachside resort prepare for an important person, a Marco Island home must be ready to receive visiting dignitaries. Even if the dignitaries are members of the family.

The days and weeks that precede a royal visit are always full of plans and contingencies. The length of the stay is an important factor and determines the size of The Dreaded List. The Dreaded List, which the Marco Beach Girl produces for the Beach Boy, is always extensive. Many items must undergo cleaning and organizing or face the street for the Thursday trash pickup.

Before the guests arrive, a complete cleaning and general overhaul is mandatory for all royal visits. For extended royal visits, which typically happen only once a year, the pressure washer must come out of the garage with a full tank of gasoline.

The swimming pool deck and the surrounding screening cage is a huge living space for any subject of a royal visit. Especially if the visitors are coming from a great distance, with a climate and surroundings that are very different from the subtropical plants and animals that are thriving in the steamy and stormy and unpredictable last weeks of summer on Marco Island.

Timing for the preparations of the visit is almost as important as the arrival day of the visitors. After all the other preparations are complete, the pressure washer comes out on the day before the visit begins.

After every stick of patio furniture moves out to the lawn, the pressure washer and the Beach Boy begin the seasonal procedure. When the pressure washer starts and the mildew from the pool deck begins to fly, along with every other contaminant of the entire baking summer, the crab spiders of the Marco Island home begin to suffer devastating losses.

Death by pressure washer is indeed a terrible thing for any arachnid, but The Dreaded List does not permit leniency. During all cleaning activities, pressure washer or not, the Beach Boy delegated to cleaning must obey the orders of the Marco Beach Girl, who is the general officer of the household.

At the end of the day of pressure washer cleaning, three tanks of gasoline have disappeared. All of the mildew and moss from the cobblestone pavers have also vanished, and every bird dropping from every section of screening over the swimming pool has also disappeared.

The Beach Boy with the pressure washer did feel remorse when the destruction of the crab spider orb-weavers began, but after the first tank of gasoline, the Beach Boy and pressure washer became one, and the elimination of the crab spiders and their webs was indeed relentless. By sunset on the arrival day of the royal visit, all the crab spiders, their webs, and their egg cases were completely eradicated from the pool deck and screening cage of the Marco Island home.

Well after sunset and with the full moon on the rise, the royal visit began, but certainly not as expected. Apparently, the intelligence of the crab spiders was underestimated. Earlier during the arrival day, when the Beach Boy and the pressure washer were creating havoc, the spiders retreated from the pool deck and made a stronghold at the front entrance of the house.

When the screaming started, everyone was in shock. After the rental car was parked and the royal visitors’ luggage came out, no one saw the newly built spider webs and the uncountable crab spiders in the moonlight until the Marco Beach Boy and Girl and the royal visitors met for the first time in a year and walked into the beautiful but sticky spider web silk together.