Dope Smacked

This is a crazy season! The future has come down to a wait and see situation, and anyone who knows me knows that when the going gets tough, the not so tough gets going!

So, I end up going somewhere. My break this time is to celebrate (?) my 71st birthday with family in Hawaii, my other paradise. In my travels I tend to peruse the many jewelry stores I encounter and come to the realization that no matter how much I preach about being careful with high end jewelry purchases on overseas travels and especially cruise line sanctioned establishments, folks will still, to my amazement, do incredibly risky and foolish things with their hard-earned money. Many resort establishments prey on the baby boomers with expensive-looking jewelry, slick talk, and fictitious guarantees. The true results are that the unsuspecting buyer(s)end up with horrible diamond quality rings, pendants, earrings, or bracelets complete with non-existing money back promises and impossible return policies. The diamond quality they offer is the industries’ worst, so why does it end up in cruise ship sanctioned jewelry stores? I think the word “kickback” is a good explanation. I’m convinced it’s a sanctioned multi-million-dollar industry. Just Google any tourist trap port in the Caribbean and type in resort jewelry store scams and fraudulent practices and you will see for yourself that the list is endless. Next to no one gets their money back. I won’t name the scoundrels here; just Google them and see for yourselves - you will be surprised! 

The cruise line will suggest you should only patronize their sanctioned jewelry stores to feel confident when you make your purchases. You take their advice, make your purchases, then inevitably find out when you get home you have been duped out of a large sum of money for shabby quality jewelry, and yet they will not accept any responsibility if you are taken over the coals by that very store they recommend? You are on your own, folks. Once the scammer shops have your money, you have a snowball’s chance in Hades, especially in a third world country, of getting a single penny of it back. Oh yes, they will offer to give you something else of equal or even less quality (if that is at all possible?) and many times only if you spend more of your money to make it right. These people are incorrigible; you will always lose, even when you think you have won. They will always win and win big. They simply hope and pray you will not cause a fuss and then live with your poorly made purchase. The sad thing is most people do just that… live with it, another life lesson learned. 

They continue to dump poor quality jewelry to unsuspecting middle-aged and elderly cruisers. I have seen several diamond rings purchased for tens of thousands of dollars that only appraise for a fraction of the amount paid. No one is happy to hear the cold hard facts - guess who reveals that information? I’m getting a bit weary of giving the purchasers the bad news in my shop and then enduring their disbelieving reactions after they read my “inaccurate” appraisal of their purchase. As I mentioned in my golden years, I’ve been getting around, and when I hear the pie in the sky sales pitch during my personal travels, I want to save the naïve ones but have to bite my tongue. I leave with a chuckle when I hear the same opening sales pitch only in different languages, another practice these “ruse shops” use is to highly inflate the price tags so the sales crew can discount the daylights out of it and still swindle the naive buyers. Any jewelry store that gives deep discounts on any article of jewelry, I suggest you run, not walk out of there. Nothing that benefits the buyer will occur there.

I have seen someone purchase a $20,000 diamond ring discounted from $35,000 and appraised at only $4,500. No jeweler I know plays that game stateside and expects to be in business very long. In high-traffic tourist traps, the prey to be duped is an endless stream of unsuspecting marks and they are usually in a foreign country, so getting satisfaction after you get burned is difficult if not impossible.

As a veteran of the jewelry business for more than a half a century, nobody but nobody gives gold or diamonds away unless it is stolen or the quality is so poor and marked up so high that even if they offer it at 70% off retail, they still make a killer profit. And don’t get me going about the biggest scam that continues without control in the U.S. I’m talking about these endless hotel auctions offering confiscated drug dealers’ jewelry, cars, and belongings. So, on that note…I’m still offering twenty shares of one million dollars per share for a combination diamond and gold mine I discovered one day wandering aimlessly in the Florida Everglades. Digging of the mine will begin in 2027 (Enough time for me to abscond with my investors millions and live very comfortably on a desolate island I will purchase and live on for the rest of my life). As a show of good faith, I have already invested my life savings on the mining equipment required to perform this ridiculously rewarding endeavor - a brand spanking new shovel, hoe, and one used wheelbarrow I found on Facebook Marketplace. This, along with a broken down old donkey named “Samuel,” I offer no guarantees of success or a single red penny of a return on your investment, so why not take a chance? All you stand to lose is a measly million dollars, so don’t hesitate or you’ll miss the boat. The deadline is January 1st, 2026; make all cashier’s checks payable to me, Richard Alan… in care of my attorney’s… Robbem, Cheatum and Fleece. 

Thank you for your consideration - get out your checkbooks, this is a sure thing (at least in the way I look at it).