Sunday, September 20, 2020

So you’re going to college!

By Monte Lazarus

Something like this conversation is taking place every day…

Daughter: Great news Dad. I got accepted at the college I want!

Dad: Where’s that? And how much?

Daughter: It’s that small school in Arizona, and the tuition is only $35,000 a year.

Dad: Gulp. Arizona? Will they let you in the state?  They’re very strict on immigrants.

Daughter: Dad, we’re Americans. We just live in Puerto Rico.

Dad: That’s the problem. They may think you’re an illegal immigrant.

Daughter: It’s ok. I checked. All I need is a notarized birth certificate in triplicate, and a letter from a judge stating that I’m a natural born American citizen. I’m like not sure about naturalized citizens.

Dad: But, you don’t own a gun.  I thought you had to be a certified gun owner in Arizona.

Daughter: Nope. I just have to like take the required freshman course in weaponology and pass the gun range test.

Dad: That’s a relief. Now, about the cost…

Daughter: Dad, I told you. The tuition’s only like $35,000 a year.

Dad: What about room and board?

Daughter: Peanuts. $17,500, but it includes like two meals, except on weekends.

Dad: OMG (he’s a tweeter)! Books must be another $200?

Daughter: Dad, you’re so totally 50’s. We need like 12 books, and they’re about $150 each.

Dad: Oh boy. We’re now at a big second mortgage.

Daughter: What’s a mortgage? Is that like a loan?

Dad: It’s more like a pact with the devil. Whew…for all of that what will you major in…something to make some money after the big investment I hope?

Daughter: I’m thinking about like Cultural Anthropology. It sounds totally cool, and my friends said that the instructor’s a hunk.

Dad: I’m delighted you have your priorities straight.

Daughter: I’m like totally glad you’re so with my plan, and so cool with it.

Dad: It’s easy. Mom and I decided that there are worse things than becoming beachcombers in Puerto Rico. I just hope they have big scholarships in Arizona!

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