By Monte Lazarus
Something like this conversation is taking place every day…
Daughter: Great news Dad. I got accepted at the college I want!
Dad: Where’s that? And how much?
Daughter: It’s that small school in Arizona, and the tuition is only $35,000 a year.
Dad: Gulp. Arizona? Will they let you in the state? They’re very strict on immigrants.
Daughter: Dad, we’re Americans. We just live in Puerto Rico.
Dad: That’s the problem. They may think you’re an illegal immigrant.
Daughter: It’s ok. I checked. All I need is a notarized birth certificate in triplicate, and a letter from a judge stating that I’m a natural born American citizen. I’m like not sure about naturalized citizens.
Dad: But, you don’t own a gun. I thought you had to be a certified gun owner in Arizona.
Daughter: Nope. I just have to like take the required freshman course in weaponology and pass the gun range test.
Dad: That’s a relief. Now, about the cost…
Daughter: Dad, I told you. The tuition’s only like $35,000 a year.
Dad: What about room and board?
Daughter: Peanuts. $17,500, but it includes like two meals, except on weekends.
Dad: OMG (he’s a tweeter)! Books must be another $200?
Daughter: Dad, you’re so totally 50’s. We need like 12 books, and they’re about $150 each.
Dad: Oh boy. We’re now at a big second mortgage.
Daughter: What’s a mortgage? Is that like a loan?
Dad: It’s more like a pact with the devil. Whew…for all of that what will you major in…something to make some money after the big investment I hope?
Daughter: I’m thinking about like Cultural Anthropology. It sounds totally cool, and my friends said that the instructor’s a hunk.
Dad: I’m delighted you have your priorities straight.
Daughter: I’m like totally glad you’re so with my plan, and so cool with it.
Dad: It’s easy. Mom and I decided that there are worse things than becoming beachcombers in Puerto Rico. I just hope they have big scholarships in Arizona!