Thursday, December 3, 2020

Q&A with Simba

 

 

This column is the opinion of a 3-year-old African Grey Parrot named “Simba” who has an extremely high intelligence level.  While he does not possess a degree from any college or university, he does have a strong opinion of himself and feels that he is the best candidate to answer the complex questions of today’s discerning pets…and the humans they own…

Dear Mr. Simba:

As a fellow Avian comrade… May I say, “Thank you.” Finally, a column to answer our questions.  I am a 12-year-old Blue and Gold Macaw, and may I be so bold as to say: What are these humans thinking? Do they think I can just survive on seeds? Hello?? I am the epitome of beauty and grace. They need to understand that I have nutritional needs that exceed a kibble diet. How do I make them realize this? I am more than just a bird…I am a winged wonder! A Vision of beauty! I must maintain my precise levels of nutrition, exercise, and concise dietary needs. Help!

Signed,
Malnourished In Marco

Dear Marco:

First of all, yes, we all know how you Macaws can get. Big bird…big voice. As far as your nutritional needs go, sometimes you guys tend to boycott the good stuff and just want a milky way (so to speak). Therefore, it is in my opinion that your human takes a bunch of good-for-you vegetables, puts them in a food processor, chops them up very small, and mixes them in with your seed mix twice a day. This will not give you the option to be so picky about your food. Your seed mix and your so called “kibble” will then be coated with the vegetable mash and you won’t have a choice of what to eat.

 

 

Give this a try, and get back to me. Oh…and if you’re going to squawk your head off about something, squawk about going outside on a daily basis…you need the sunlight to make vitamin D3 for healthy bones. Hope this helps!

Fondly,
Simba

Dear Simba,

Although I’d hate to sound like a “crotchety canary,” my mistress is driving me wild, letting these midget humans run around the house like the crazed chimpanzees they are. I see her getting more frustrated every day. I think it’s about time someone does something. These little humans are about 18 years old, and one is in college. Shouldn’t they be moving out and “spreading their wings”? How do I combat telling my mistress that it’s time for an “empty nest” so to speak?

Signed,
Crowded Canary

Dear Crowded,

One thing you need to understand is that it is very difficult for human mothers to let their little humans go. They have been nurtured for eighteen years in preparation to “fledge” out of the nest. However, when the nest gets too cozy, sometimes these little fledglings do not learn to fly. My suggestion to your mistress is to start charging rent. This will in turn, pressure them to get a job and start taking matters into their own hands. Also, a good adage is to make sure they have plenty to keep their minds busy. Humans can run into the dreadful “Couch Potato” syndrome. She should get them out of the house; give them chores to do; and remind them life is not a free ride! That might get you some peace and quiet for the time being. In the meantime, enjoy your life for what it is, set achievable goals and conquer them. You are a brave canary…show them your falcon side.

Fondly,
Simba

Simba is owned by Christina Giordano.  If you have questions you’d like Simba to answer please email them to:  Christina@angelsofflightproductions.com.

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