This column dedicated is to my gentlemen clientele from all over the world.
* This column could be considered offensive to many of those of the kinder and gentler gender.
First of all, salutations; A very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a Happy New Year celebration to all of you. (I’m not a happy holidays kind of guy, and I’m convinced that after this last election using the term “politically correct” will pretty much have the same effect as using the term “groovy.” It’s about time.)
I apologize for interrupting your holiday festivities, and for the curve I’m about to throw to many of you. If you are reading this on the day of its issue, I would like to inform you it would now be Friday, December 23rd and if you have not picked out a nice piece of jewelry for your significant other to open on Christmas morning, now would be the time to go shopping for one. The boat is about to leave the dock, so to speak.
Shopping! I hate shopping. In fact, I don’t shop. I just go, and get! I don’t give a damn about sales, coupons, store promotions or BOGOs…I just go and get what I need and pay what’s on the price tag. Yes, I’m completely the opposite of the frugal island Rhodes scholars who will drive 35 miles back and forth to Naples to save three bucks on a watch battery or a box of ammo. Did you figure in the cost of gas you used up, genius? I know for most guys going shopping is inconvenient and downright painful.
I remember once standing in Victoria’s Secret, trying to explain to a drop dead gorgeous saleslady how my fiancé (or was it a future ex-wife) was put together. I got it all wrong and only an expensive piece of jewelry corrected that FUBAR.
That too large-sized, fancy, silk undergarment (?) that I bought, wound up being an expensive gun rag. I rarely return anything, another affliction I possess. I also buy new things when I can’t find old things, which explains the six stepladders, innumerous suitcases and ice coolers in and around my garage and storage unit.
I also learned my lesson getting her any kind of household appliance, which in reality was something I needed. The meat grinder and pasta maker were not exactly big hits for her on Christmas morning.
I have a certain advantage owning a jewelry store, so that means my current wife has plenty of jewelry at her disposal.
So my point of all this is getting your main squeeze a nice piece of jewelry for the holidays (there, I said it!) at my establishment can be a painless and inexpensive experience. You can make it expensive if you so desire, that way you can please two people for the holidays at the same time, first me, then her.
At my shop you won’t find pushy, condescending and commissioned salespeople, although you may wind up being waited on by my eighty-two year old Mom who might box your ears if you misbehave. My staff are knowledgeable straight-shooters who will help you pick out the perfect gift for her, have it gift wrapped and you can be belly up to the bar sipping a cold one at Jack’s Lookout before you realize you did something right that she will love for a change.
I find simple earrings and pendants are the best way to go, and you rarely go wrong with a piece of sea life jewelry, or a gold and diamond palm tree that represents why we live here in paradise. You have been given your head’s up, gentlemen. Don’t be caught standing on the dock holding a line attached to nothing.
Richard Alan is a designer/goldsmith and owner of The Harbor Goldsmith, Marco’s Island jeweler for over 24 years, located at Island Plaza next door to Beall’s Outlet, and once again wishes everyone a joyous Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah and a prosperous New Year! Visit www.harborgoldsmith.com or call 239-394-9275.