Monday, November 30, 2020

AH, MEMOIRS, ADVICE BOOKS AND BIOS!

By Monte Lazarus 

Once upon a time the writing and release of memoirs and biographies was in the province of the well known and, usually, well aged. Now it seems that everyone writes a memoir (or, more likely in some cases, has it ghost written). I confess that I’m aghast and amused at the same time, by some of the books flooding the bookstores.

Sure, there are the books of Bubba (Bill Clinton, if you forgot), W, Rumsfeld, Obama, Jimmy Carter, Cheney, Colin Powell and other noteworthy characters. Whether we agree with them or not, there’s usually something to learn.

But, we are now deluged with books by or about a number of second bananas who’ve had their 15 minutes of fame and not much more. There’s Christine O’Donnell who rose far enough to run for Senator from Delaware in a bizarre campaign involving such earthshaking issues as whether she really is a witch, simply believes in witchcraft, or none of the above. Her book may be had for about $17.99 (new) for those who care. One report is that she had as many as five people show up at a book signing in Florida.

Moving down the age line, we should all enjoy the adult, mature wisdom of Levi Johnston. What, you don’t even remember the father of Bristol Palin’s child? No matter – I’m sure we can all benefit by reading Levi’s significant contribution to human understanding. After all, he’s almost as old as some of the Founding Fathers were at the time of the American Revolution, so his work must be important.

That brings us to the curious case of teen idol Justin Bieber. At age 16, (or is it 17?), he has apparently accumulated enough knowledge and experience to have written two books! Are there that many teeny boppers in the world to support sales of these two great works? If so, will they tear away from twittering, tweeting and video gaming to read anything? Of course there’s always People Magazine to keep us well informed on the really important members of society and their influence on world events.

If the downward age trend continues I solemnly pledge to have our four year old great grand-daughter dictate her memoirs so the world may benefit from her life’s adventures. Imagine kids being able to learn, first-hand, about what it takes to enjoy a nap at pre-school! How about advice on the best stuffed animals to take to school? Priceless, ne c’est pas? The proceeds from her magnum opus (volume one) should bring in enough dough to pay her way through college. Volumes two and three would undoubtedly finance graduate school, and maybe a small house. Finally, we found the way to beat the recession and resulting lack of income. From now on we’re concentrating on getting that kid to focus and record each day’s adventures. No more playing after school. Let her concentrate on what’s important: bringing in the big bucks.

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