A LETTER TO SIMBA

By Monte Lazarus

Dear Simba,

When I’m not playing, digging or sleeping I spend time listening to what people are saying about your great newspaper Q&A column. I really enjoy the things you write.

Probably the most important thing is that you and I seem to be what humans call “kindred spirits”. I heard Mom and Dad talking about that the other day, and found out what it meant. Ha! They think I don’t understand what they are saying. Humans seem to think they are our bosses, but you and I know the truth. That’s why we are “kindred spirits”. I’m really boss of the house and like all my friends – dogs, cats and birds mostly – I know exactly what to do to get what I want. By the way, I call them Mom and Dad, even though I know that my real Mom and Dad are dogs up in Georgia. It’s real easy to fool “Mom and Dad” down here!

The other day I dug a gigantic hole in the back yard. I went all out and even dug under the patio. When Mom and Dad found the hole they were really mad at me, so I used my sad face, and let them clean me off. They forgave me right away. I guess you do that trick too. It’s fun to fool them. I get tons of toys and treats that way.

Last week I went to the dog park

for the first time. I went mainly to get Mom out of the house. It turned out to be great. I ran around and met a lot of new kids. The small guys, like me, were on one side and the big ones had their own area. They all know how to be bosses of their houses. The kids taught all the humans, the big and little ones, to do whatever we want them to do. The only thing we have to do is look adorable, and, sometimes pretend that we understand we did something naughty. I know you put up with that “riding on the shoulder” gig just to make your “owner” feel good.

Your hockey story was wonderful. I like football more; maybe because Dad keeps talking about “favorites” and “morning lines” and “point spreads” and “odds” and all that numbers stuff. You probably know a ton more about numbers than I do, because birds understand that a lot better than dogs. We practice things like “sit”, “stay” and “roll over” just so they think they “train us”. They don’t seem to get it: if they acted like we do they’d make more money and even get a lot better deal from the banks and businesses. I guess humans are very naïve.

I’ve got to go now. Mom and Dad are back and I have to look cute. I sure hope they don’t find the new hole I dug.

Your friend, Bailey