Monte’s Humor

Cars and Their People

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By Monte Lazarus In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy!  There’s an old adage that, as people live and age together, they begin to look and act alike; there’s ... Read More »

The Computer Age

computer

By Monte Lazarus In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy! It’s easy to understand why education costs so much. Think about it. In most of the last century there ... Read More »

The night my foot got caught

hockey

In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy! By Monte Lazarus One of the things we enjoy every now and again is an Everblades hockey game at Germain Arena. It’s ... Read More »

Hazmat/Hasmat

YogaMat

By Monte Lazarus In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy!   Marco Island has a lot of nifty amenities besides the beach and the periodic comedy routine at City ... Read More »

The Language Barrier

By Monte Lazarus In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy!   Maybe it’s not strictly the American syndrome, but some of my friends get very peculiar when they’re in ... Read More »

So You’re Going to College!

college

By Monte Lazarus In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy!     Something like this conversation is taking place every day… Daughter: Great news Dad. I got accepted at ... Read More »

PACKER

suitcase

By Monte Lazarus (Note: If you are deceived by the title and believe this is about professional football, you may stop reading now. For purposes of full disclosure I hereby acknowledge that references to “my wife” are purely coincidental and I hope this acknowledgment insulates me from extraordinary reprisals.) Every travel book and article I have read admonishes travelers to ... Read More »

We’re Prisoners!

ChristmasCookies

It’s the holiday season, so the time has come to tell all. We’re all prisoners of computers…every last one of us. When you, or even a little kid, look at that computer screen, you are not really looking at it. Uh-uh. It’s looking at you, and sometimes chuckling to itself about how dumb we are. They’ve quietly and effectively conquered ... Read More »

SKYFUN (Full disclosure: The writer is a retired airline executive)

In memory of Monte Lazarus and his contributions to Coastal Breeze News, we are publishing many of his humor columns again in coming editions. They will bring as many smiles now as they did when first printed. Enjoy! By Monte Lazarus Dear SKYFUN Customer, We value your membership in our Fun In The Skies Club, and are pleased to offer the ... Read More »

A Riven Society

old watch and stamp

By Monte Lazarus Some people contend that that our society is divided by “haves and have-nots”; others claim that the Great Divide is between Democrats and Republicans, or Liberals and Conservatives; still others run the gamut, not excluding Yankees v. Red Sox, or the fallback catch-all – “Us and Them. My perspective, after many years of superficial thought, is that ... Read More »

What, Me Read?

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net The other day at breakfast we had pancakes. Of course pancakes require syrup. In days of yore that meant maple syrup. Alas, genuine maple syrup scarcely exists these days. If you are lucky enough, say, to be in Vermont or parts of Canada, you can find the real stuff, and you can pay the equivalent of ... Read More »

Terror Unleashed

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net Recently my Most Excellent daughter and Most Excellent son-in-law acquired a brand new, never used puppy. This puppy is of a Most Excellent breed – a Yellow Labrador. He arrived amid great expectations and much fanfare, especially among the remaining household teenagers. Thus far the best thing about this particular puppy is his name…”Atticus”, after “Atticus ... Read More »

Going Viral

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net Some years ago a mad scientist discovered a long dormant virus that had been thought to have vanished with the collapse of the Roman Emperor. He or she apparently implanted the virus in American males, and it has spread rapidly, particularly since the 1940’s and 1950’s. The virus is now known as Romanus Footballus Terriblus. It ... Read More »

Story With Several Morals

FullMoon

By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net The tale you may be about to read is true. Even the characters, I’m embarrassed to say, are real. This is written as a public service for those of the public who travel by air. My Wonderful Wife and I wrapped up our annual Cultural Fix Week in Canada, after four different plays and musicals at ... Read More »

Pills

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net There was a recent report about someone being arrested for possession of 19,000 pills. I know. I know. The pills allegedly contained some very funny stuff. My amusement is about the number of pills. It’s kid stuff. My Wonderful Wife and I consume about 19,000 pills just at breakfast. We have pills for every part of ... Read More »

CROTCHETY

grumpy

By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net As I age my fear is that I am becoming far more crotchety; so much so that my proposed new organization for such as me would be known as “Cranky Old Men” or just COM (Not to be confused with the movie “Grumpy Old Men”). I also considered having a group of “Cranky Old Women”, but ... Read More »

Fly me to the moon with legroom, please

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net More years ago than I care to remember the new Jet Age was described as “Breakfast in London, lunch in New York, dinner in Los Angeles, luggage in Rio.” We’ve been overtaken by events. Flown recently? If not, here’s the New Post Jet Age: If you can afford it you can fly First Class and enjoy ... Read More »

A Farewell to Smugness

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net Being smug about my trip planning was entirely appropriate. After all, I had planned many a successful trip. This time I carefully scheduled our cruise so that the Atlantic was relatively calm; our group of four worthies had two Bingo winners; food was abundant and good, including a newly discovered pizza bar. Jumping ship at Dublin ... Read More »

Statues and Status

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By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net Marco Island is missing something. It’s missing what almost every city, town and village in Europe has – statues of heroes and would be heroes. Some Americans visiting France for the first time, and being unfamiliar with the language, used to ask me about that Frenchman, “Mort”. Every hamlet in France, they said, had a statute ... Read More »

A Scottish-Irish Symphony

Monte

By Monte Lazarus Bengoshi@comcast.net It’s now clear to me why the Irish and the Scots are so nice. They share a common enemy. No, it’s not the Brits. It’s the weather! There’s something about joint suffering that promotes friendship and kindness. There may also be another factor. The cities in Ireland and Scotland are both built largely in a horizontal ... Read More »