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Dog & Style?

Dog & Style?

dog & style tonyDOG & STYLE

Tony Wakefield-Jones
Tony@mindzoo.com

 

 

Dear Tony,

Why does my human insist on dressing me up all the time? She even had a professional photo shoot for me. It’s ridiculous! Help!

B.B. Wrinkles, Goodland, FL

 

B.B. Wrinkles can’t escapeher owner’s dress-up obsession. Submitted Photos

B.B. Wrinkles can’t escape
her owner’s dress-up obsession. Submitted Photos

Dear B.B.:

Sad. So sad and tragic. Essentially, your human NEEDS A LIFE! It’s one thing for every groomer on the planet to think we dogs look “cleaner and cuter” sent home with those silly little homemade handkerchiefs around our necks; it’s another when our humans try to haphazardly channel celebrity fashion designer Marc Bouwer and accessorize us.

I mean, Marc Bouwer is fabulous—and my daddies know him personally—but a canine-focused “Marc BowWow” mentality is completely unnecessary for any dog owner.

Marc, in case you’re reading, my daddies want you to tell “Shania” they say “hi.”

Bipeds seem to make a big deal out of their wardrobes. Trust me, I live with two gay men so I know whereof I speak. However, I prefer going “au natural”—as do many humans, if they have the guts to admit it.

Besides, nothing is more awkward than having to shimmy out of a pair of puppy capri pants simply to do your business. As those of you bipeds with dogs know, once we have sniffed every single blade of grass to find the very best possible potty place, WE GO IMMEDIATELY.

Poor B.B. Wrinkles has an owner thatinsists on dressing her up for all holidays.

Poor B.B. Wrinkles has an owner that
insists on dressing her up for all holidays.

Canine clothing = doo doo disaster.

The real fault lies with Lisa Vanderpump from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and her televised obsession with dressing up her teacup pup, Giggy. Until we have a Real Housewives of Marco Island—and I’m all in favor of that as my friend, Kitty Kat Gravatt, really deserves her own show—we need to live by our own social mores and not let Hollywood dictate incredulous comical conventions on canine couture.

Yes, I love alliteration. Woof!

As for the photo-shoot situation, I’m kind of in a “glass house” on this issue as I have participated in several. Of course, I’m a literary “celebudog” and photo shoots and media tours are part of my job. C’est la vie! But you really shouldn’t get mad over the clothing situation—despicable doggie duds can easily be destroyed. But that NAME—B.B. Wrinkles?—that’s simply unforgivable!

Tony

 

Tony Wakefield-Jones isn’t the only canine who poses for professional photo shoots.

Tony Wakefield-Jones isn’t the only canine who poses for professional photo shoots.

Dear Tony,

Why does my dog insist on chewing on my shoes?

Cindy L.W., Terre Haute, IN

 

Dear Miss Cindy:

An oft-asked and very important question. First, you must understand that anything left below doggy eye level is FAIR GAME. The floor is exclusively OUR domain.

Don’t blame us—you, the dog owner, determined this situation the minute you placed our food and water bowls in your household’s southern hemisphere and/or instinctively redirected us from comfy couch to inflexible floor when company arrived. So if you leave your precious shoes on the floor, they will be used as “toys.” Simple.

Oh wait, perhaps you are a tad on the “simple” side yourself so let me be very clear: DO NOT LEAVE YOUR SHOES ON THE FLOOR IF YOU DON’T WANT THEM TO BE DESTROYED BY YOUR DOG.

However, what many humans do not know is that the problem may rest with their own personal fashion sense. Sorry to be the one to tell you this—but you, Miss Cindy, may simply have appallingly bad taste in footwear.

If this is the case, then your precious pup is just trying to spare you the embarrassment of parading your peds in those particularly putrid pumps in public.

Alliteration strikes again!

Thankfully, I live in Southwest Florida, making shoes essentially optional. However, there was that “cold” day my Short Daddy tried to leave the house in white shocks and sandals.

Don’t get me started—it’s too painful—for HIM.

Tony

 

Tony Wakefield-Jones is a 10-year-old psychologically gifted Airedale. He is on Facebook at facebook.com/tony.wakefieldjones and his complete body of work can be found at attackbunnies.com


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